How to Have Less Worry and More Peace

One of my very first blog posts back in May 2013 was about spring break. It's funny how much things have changed in those few short years between then and now. I remember how worried I was then. How much I stressed about this child that I loved so much, and I still do, but had so little control over. Do you ever control your children? Biological or step? No, we really don't. But back then I worried so much for his safety - physical, emotional and spiritual. I hated that time away from us … [Read more...]

Rerun Tuesday: Family Vacation

From the archives: Family Vacation This was going to be great. Disneyland with my whole family, my not-yet-husband and the boy for five days. So great! I have two nephews both one year younger than T so they were going to have a great time and me and the hubs were going to be the perfect parents on the perfect vacation and we were going to really bond and have such a great time. Except we didn't. Well, I don't want to say we didn't. There were some good times but there were also some … [Read more...]

Rerun Tuesday: No Expectations

From the archives: No Expectations We had several outstanding requests to T's mom regarding his poor grades and plans for the summer. After a couple days of not hearing back I thought for sure her response(s) either would a) never come or b) be negative. I even resorted to checking my hubby's email several times during my workday looking for and expecting the worst. I totally ignored that small voice that said even if you get a response what can you do about it now while you are at … [Read more...]

Avoiding Resentment

I was recently talking to a reader-friend about how frustrating it can be when our husbands don't seem to notice when our kids are not doing what they are supposed to! For the longest time, I was always the one directing my stepson with chores, homework, bed times, all that.  My husband was sometimes oblivious to it all. I would be thinking in my head, "you told him to do xyz and he is not so why aren't you doing ANYTHING!" Or, "It is 9 minutes past his bedtime, why aren't you telling him to get … [Read more...]

Careful Communications

We were waiting for a response from the ex (again) about something relating to school/grades. Days go by and not a word. I've already got a fight with her going on in my head... "don't you care that he's failing?! Don't you want to talk about this important thing?!" I've got what she will say and my clever responses played out. I'm mad. The more I think about it, the madder I get and a real conversation hasn't even taken place! When M finally is able to talk to the ex there is no explanation … [Read more...]

To Speak Up or Keep Quiet

In the realm of social interaction, there is not much else that is harder than listening to someone talk when you are pretty sure most of what they say is not true. When it is your stepchild's parent, it makes it that much harder. I try so hard not to judge or to read into everything she says. I lean heavily on God to help me not to judge. But (there's always a "but," right?) when it comes to our kids we want to protect them right? Even if they are our stepkids.  I just don't agree with the … [Read more...]

Even Stepmoms Have Working Mom Guilt

"Working mom guilt" is even more complex for stepmoms. You work to help support the family but at times it may take away from your limited time with your child. The times you get away from work and are there for the assembly/school trip/baseball game the kid is looking for Her. She may show up; she may not. But you are there. You're always there when you can be. But you feel guilty when you can't and if he is looking for Her for just a second you think: then why am I even here? And then you feel … [Read more...]

Stewing

As I drove up to my house after work last month, all I can think is I bet T's mom forgot to drop off his baseball gear and he has a game tonight! I wasn't even home yet and I had decided her actions. So the stuff was actually on the porch. But of course instead of thinking that maybe I should not jump to conclusions anymore my mind is already jumping to another conclusion: the missing school work I'm sure he must have from the week at mom's house. I was trying so hard not to be mad when he … [Read more...]

Is It True?

Picture this: T and I arrive at baseball practice, I remind him to put his goggles on, I see him go to his bag, I look down, and when I look again he his walking to the field without his glasses! I'm fuming! How dare he blatantly disregard a direct order my instructions! I want to run onto the field and shout at him. But by the grace of God (only explanation) I don't. Instead I go for a walk and that was enough to prevent me from coming unglued. I was still mad though. It wasn't until two days … [Read more...]

Family Vacation

This was going to be great. Disneyland with my whole family, my not-yet-husband and the boy for five days. So great! I have two nephews both one year younger than T so they were going to have a great time and me and the hubs were going to be the perfect parents on the perfect vacation and we were going to really bond and have such a great time. Except we didn't. Well, I don't want to say we didn't. There were some good times but there were also some not so good times. Imagine driving six … [Read more...]