Allowing God to Direct Me

The other night I had a dream about T. He was literally calling out to us for help but we could do nothing because of something to do with his mom. I'm sure this is just me worrying but I also wonder if this is an unconscious need of his and not just mine? If that is the case, how do we help him? Immediately after I woke up I journaled a prayer to God and this verse came to me... Psalm 25:4-5 (NIV) 4 Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. 5 Guide me in your truth and teach … [Read more...]

Rerun Tuesday: Dealing with a High Conflict Ex

From the archives... here are three things divorced parents need to know to deal with a high-conflict ex. 1. Communicate. No matter how wrong the other person is, no matter how mad they make you, make it work for the sake of the child. Stay in touch and communicate regularly, even if the ex doesn’t. And before you speak up, think is this going to make the ex mad and if so is it worth it? Is whatever I have to say in the best interest of my son or daughter? 2. Stop arguing. If … [Read more...]

Blended Family Dynamics

Lately I've been inspired by blogger friends and "real-life" friends who are able to have a friendly stepmom-biomom relationship. These ladies are able to have birthday parties together, take family photos, and even talk on the phone ((gasp!))!  There are times that I wish we had that too but that kind of blended family relationship doesn't work for everyone. We don't have that. There aren't family events all blended together. Just communicating regularly is a challenge for us. I sometimes … [Read more...]

Rerun Tuesday: Communication

From the archives... here are some tips on how to help make communicating with your husband's ex less frustrating. I would be willing to bet that every stepmom and her husband have had at least one frustrating communication experience with the kids' mom. If your situation is like ours, 75% of your conversations with the ex are frustrating. If you are in the early years of being a stepmom let me tell you things will get easier! You may never be best friends with your kids' mom but … [Read more...]

Stepmom: Just a Third Parent

Some recently said to me that as a stepmom, to the biomom and the stepchild you might be an unwanted third parent. I'm not sure it was meant negatively or not but I have been thinking about this for the past couple of days. Am I an unwanted third  parent? Am I doing more than I should? Is my involvement over-complicating things rather than helping? On womansday.com, Peggy Nolan, executive director of The Stepmom’s Toolbox says, “New stepparents try to discipline without establishing trust. … [Read more...]

What if Stepmom is Overstepping Boundaries?

Wow. Am I feeling convicted. I'm reading some child custody forums and keep seeing things like this... My ex-husband's new wife oversteps boundaries, so much so that it has impacted my ability to co-parent effectively. I'm sure husband's ex must feel at times that all I do is overstep boundaries. Sometimes M and his ex just can't "hear" each other and so I step in to "mediate." There have been times when the ex has put T n the middle and also encouraged him to not be honest with us.  And … [Read more...]

Busy Stepmom

I haven't been online lately due to work trips, baseball and more, oh my! I'm also struggling with how to write about our current situation in a positive light. But I'm going to take a swing at it... Our school situation hasn't changed much. T doesn't seem to be making a real effort to improve his situation. The biggest thing that my husband and I have been learning is to let T take more responsibility for his own actions. Basically the idea is we let him fail and face the … [Read more...]

How to Keep Track of Activities Between Households

Did you ever watch the show, Homemade Simple? Is it still on? Anyway, this idea came from that show years ago! My hubby and I were having trouble getting dates of school events and other activities from the ex. We were also serving as secretary for her for all event times and locations. (And when I say "we," I of course mean "me" because I'm my hubby's secretary already.) Before baseball practice or after T was already supposed to be there she would call or text and ask for the location. Or … [Read more...]

How to Make Communicating with the Ex Less Frustrating

I would be willing to bet that every stepmom and her husband have had at least one frustrating communication experience with the kids' mom. If your situation is like ours, 75% of your conversations with the ex are frustrating. If you are in the early years of being a stepmom let me tell you things will get easier! You may never be best friends with your kids' mom but communication will improve simply because you will both know neither is going anywhere and no one wants to have those issues … [Read more...]

This is My Story

I have had the honor of being a stepmom since T (my-now-stepson) was just barely four. Over the years, I have scoured the internet and book stores for resources for stepmoms and most of what I found was about how difficult being a stepparent is. And, yes, it is hard, but being a parent is hard. What about all the good things about being a stepparent? The joy of watching this little person grow and learn, and even though you didn't give birth to this child you see yourself reflected in them … [Read more...]