3 Ways to Make Communication with “The Mom” Easier

I would guess that every stepmom and her husband have had at least one frustrating communication experience with the kids' mom. I remember, years ago when we were waiting for a response from T's mom and how frustrated I was. Days went by and not a word. I've already had a fight with her going on in my head... "Don't you want to talk about this important thing?!" I had what she would say and my clever responses played out. I was mad. The more I thought about it, the madder I got and the real … [Read more...]

Can you have a friendly stepmom-biomom relationship?

As 8th graduation was nearing for T, I was pinning graduation party ideas. I thought we could even do something with his "other" family. I was picturing a big group of people who all loved T eating pizza together, being friendly and celebrating him. That's not what happened. M and I had dinner alone after the graduation. T's mom never got back to me about doing something together. We later learned that she took him out to pizza herself. We were not included and that hurt. We may have even shed … [Read more...]

God is with me

I felt like there was an elephant sitting on my chest and I just couldn't even breathe. I had to walk out of the counseling session because I was about to cry or scream or do something. I don't even know. I was so angry and just did not understand why this was all happening. My husband and I were with my stepson and his biomom at a counseling session and I can't go into details - I don't want to go into details - but it was just all so wrong. I was hurt and I was angry for myself, for my … [Read more...]

Regrets

I can't remember what the situation was that made me so angry but I screamed at her in the middle of swim practice. Y'all I don't do things like that. I cannot remember why or what she did. Thankfully we weren't near anybody else. I was shaking with furry and shouted at her telling her what was on my mind. I truly don't have many regrets in life. I feel like all of my mistakes are really just opportunities that I learn from and made me who I am by making me stronger. I do have maybe one … [Read more...]

What I would tell my young stepmom self

I remember this time when I was a young stepmom being at back-to-school night. Without going into all the gory details the bottom line is I pretty much yelled at the bio-mom for her choices for my stepson's lunch. I could say that she started it and she may have but that doesn't really matter. What matters is how angry I felt. I knew I was right and she was wrong and I just couldn't understand why she couldn't see that. How come she couldn't understand that what she was choosing to feed my … [Read more...]

It was a rough morning

My shirt is covered with slobber and snot. It was a rough morning. My day didn't start out that way though. It started out pretty good. Baby G was excited to leave the house - wearing his "big-boy" backpack - this morning. It was once we got to school that things took a turn. He wanted to go through the "tunnel" in the car (this means he wants to crawl around his car seat). So, I allowed it for a few minutes. Which of course is never long enough and I should have known better. When I … [Read more...]

Grace

  My palms are sweaty and my knees are weak. The butterflies had taken over my belly as I got up in front of the classroom to deliver my speech. The subject was "Delta Pride" - why was I proud to live in this region. I was a wreck. My shaky hands held my notecards as I gave my well-prepared speech. And honestly, I can't even tell you what I said or what my speech was about. But I won. My teacher told me later a few weeks later that mine was the best speech in the seventh grade … [Read more...]

Mistakes

  Mom: The horses got out. Do you know anything about it? Me: No. What happened? Mom: Someone left the gate unlatched. Are you sure you didn't have anything to do with it? Weren't you the last one through? Me: I was but I latched it. Honest. I didn't latch the gate. I was eleven years old and scared to admit I made I poor choice. My mom knew what I did. She wanted to believe me but she knew I made a mistake and was now lying about it. I had to admit I was wrong. I apologized … [Read more...]

Childhood part two

  If you did not experience childhood in the early 80s let me enlighten you. In 1984 there was a phenomenon among the preschool set known as Rainbow Brite. She was a girl who rode a horse on a rainbow. Need I say more?? I was one of these preschoolers smitten with Rainbow Brite. On the playground, we would pretend to be her and her pals. There was one boy in our group and a gaggle of girls. (Side note: the said boy was my "boyfriend." He walked across the classroom one day and … [Read more...]

Traditions

  Picture this: Thirty people crammed into the kitchen, living room and game room, spilling out onto the deck. Everyone is yelling to be heard because everyone is talking at once. I love traditions. I am thankful for my family and this wild bunch who gather every fourth Thursday in November because they are Thanksgiving to me. The kids are running through the house, pushing people out of the way, laughing out loud. The moms are in the kitchen making rolls and gravy, checking on the … [Read more...]