Can you have a friendly stepmom-biomom relationship?

Is it possible to have a friendly stepmom-biomom relationship.

As 8th graduation was nearing for T, I was pinning graduation party ideas. I thought we could even do something with his “other” family. I was picturing a big group of people who all loved T eating pizza together, being friendly and celebrating him.

That’s not what happened.

M and I had dinner alone after the graduation. T’s mom never got back to me about doing something together. We later learned that she took him out to pizza herself. We were not included and that hurt. We may have even shed some tears that night.

I sometimes envy the stepmoms and biomoms who work together so nicely and even become friends for their children.

But that is not us. As a dear, sweet friend gently pointed out that’s maybe not what T wants because of the tension when together and separate lives his two households live.

Over the years I’ve been inspired by blogger friends and “real-life” friends who are able to have a friendly stepmom-biomom relationship. These ladies are able to have birthday parties together, take family photos, and even talk on the phone ((gasp!))!  There are times that I wish we had that too but that kind of blended family relationship doesn’t work for everyone. We don’t have that. There aren’t family events all blended together — not even pizza. Just communicating regularly is a challenge for us.

When you’re co-parenting, all that matters is the kids, not if you are friends.

It is not really important that M and I had hurt feelings that night almost four years ago. All that matters is that T felt loved and supported by his whole family. Sure, I wish simply communicating with one another was easier. I’m ok with not being buddies with the ex as long as we can get along for the sake of T.

How about you…. what is your relationship with biomom like? If it’s not so good, what is one thing you think you might be able to do to make things a little better? And if you have a good relationship with biomom, what’s one thing you can recommend to those of us who don’t?

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