What I would tell my young stepmom self


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I remember this time when I was a young stepmom being at back-to-school night. Without going into all the gory details the bottom line is I pretty much yelled at the bio-mom for her choices for my stepson’s lunch. I could say that she started it and she may have but that doesn’t really matter.

What matters is how angry I felt.

I knew I was right and she was wrong and I just couldn’t understand why she couldn’t see that. How come she couldn’t understand that what she was choosing to feed my stepson was not the right thing to do?? I mean, my day job has to do with food and nutrition. Why would she listen to me? I was so angry and so bitter.

Looking back I just see the ridiculousness of all of this.

Yes, I did not agree with her (I still don’t) but what did it matter, really? Telling her what to do was not helping.

If I can go back and tell my younger stepmom self what I know now I would say just breathe.

I would say take your frustrations to God and pray it out.

I would tell myself that whether I believe it or not and in 10 years none of that will matter.

That in 10 years time I will feel so much different because I have a relationship with God and he gives me peace.

That there are things that I can do for my stepson that don’t involve a confrontation with his bio mom.

Just know stepmom if you are feeling frustrated like I was all those years ago, you are not alone.

And it does get better. It might never be great you might never be best friends or understand each other but it gets better. You will figure it out you will learn how to communicate better or less or whatever is needed. You will learn to do what is needed for what is best for your stepchild not what is best for you or for her or for anyone else. Your focus is on that child and just remember that why you may not agree with what the other household decides you don’t have to. As long as your child is physically and emotionally safe it’s OK.

It’s not going to be the end of the world even if it feels like it in the moment.

You got this, stepmom. You’re going to be OK. Your stepkids are going to be OK. And you are not alone.


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