Just Keep on Showing Love

It was baseball picture day and T was late but made it in time. M and I were there because he wanted to get group photos after the pro photos were done. I made fun of M and called him cheap but really it’s genius. We capture the boys personalities much more than a standard group shot can.

Anyway as we were all leaving I was standing on the sidewalk waiting to say hi to T. He was going to walk right by me pretending never seeing me on the way to his mom’s car. I’ve been his stepmom for ten years! Basically three times longer than not!

It hurt. Not gonna lie. But how M explained it made sense to me: on some level T feels like he is betraying his mom by having a relationship with me. (That explains mother’s day.) And if she and I are around he truly doesn’t know what to do.

Still hurts but I understand T a little more. At the same time though I think back to my childhood and I had other “moms” in my life. Other women I called mom and who were mother figures to me. As far as I know my mom didn’t feel like anything was taken from her and I never doubted that having other moms was ok. Same for M. He had other moms and still is in touch with them today. He was also raised by a single mom – no dad whatsoever.
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So why is it so hard for T to accept the love of another  mom and return that love? Sometimes I think it’s me. I’m intensely “by the book.” I see things very black and white. Consequences must be upheld. T’s mom is pretty much the opposite. That is probably part of it. But I’ve also always been there for him. Maybe he has been told it’s a betrayal to love me or at least made to feel that way.

Do you have a similar situation? My solution: just keep loving him. One day he will know that everything I do is out of love for him and realize that I’ve apologized for the mistakes I have made. No excuses here. Only truth and love.

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