Meet Aimee Allen, Founder of www.stepmoms.ca. She can be found on Twitter often speaking about her life as a Stepmom. She is 43 years old and feels lucky to be given a second chance at love! She lives in Barrie, Ontario with her husband, Mike and their five children. Biological mother to Luc (14) and Abigail (12) and Stepmom to Michael (11), Kate (7) and Ashley (5), she is learning as she goes how to manage life in a blended family. Her passion is to help other Stepmoms who are struggling with finding happiness in their role.
Follow her on Twitter: @stepmomscanada
Like her on Facebook: www.facebook.com/stepmomscanada
Please welcome Aimee to Being Stepmom. I think you will find encouragement in her story.
Happiness. It is what I had been looking for my entire life. I was sure that I had found it with my current husband, Mike. He was everything that I have always wanted in a husband. He takes care of me, makes me feel safe, loves me like crazy, allows me to be myself, supports me and even loves my children too. What more could I have asked for, right?
Mike came to me as a package deal. He had three beautiful children and the dreaded ex-wife was very much a part of my new life. I was trying to build a relationship with my stepchildren, but she was always around. Needless to say, I wasn’t as happy as I wanted to be once we moved in together and blended our families. I loved this man fiercely and wanted us and our family to be happy together.
I have to say that I am quite lucky that my stepchildren adore me and I feel very close to them. They were only 1, 3 and 8 when Mike and I became a couple. We have them in our home 50% of the time. My two children are in my home full time, so it is a crazy full house of fun when we are all together!
On the first Mother’s Day I experienced as a Stepmom, I foolishly tried to get some time scheduled with my Stepkids. Selfishly, I wanted acknowledgement and love on THAT day for all of the things that I do for them. After all, they are with me just as often as they are with their mother. I wanted a handmade card or gift made special just for me, the Stepmom. All they wanted to talk about was making a card for Mom and showing me what they made in school for Mom for Mother’s Day. Yes, I was a bit jealous and hurt. Looking back now, years later, I cannot believe that I was that selfish. I’ve learned a lot since then.
The most important thing to remember as a Stepmom is to set realistic expectations when it comes to your stepfamily. Do we as Stepmoms DESERVE the love and acknowledgement for everything that we do for our family? Of course! Should you EXPECT to be acknowledged by your Stepkids or the ex-wife? Absolutely not! The only one that you should expect to receive acknowledgement from is your Spouse. He is the one that should be there to thank you for all that you do for his children.
After the first Mother’s Day disappointment with my new family, I decided that only I could set my expectations and control my happiness. So that’s what I did! We have new traditions now as a family. I get to spend Mother’s Day with my two children which is very special to me. The week before Mother’s Day, I help my stepchildren make cards for their Mom (because I know it is the right thing to do for them) and my husband helps them make cards for me to be given on the following Sunday, Stepmother’s Day! I get all of the time, love and acknowledgement from them as their STEPmom, which allows their loyalty to remain with Mom, but also gives them an opportunity to show me how much I mean to them. Happiness. I truly have found it.
This post is part of the Mother’s Day for Stepmoms series.