Wow. Am I feeling convicted. I’m reading some child custody forums and keep seeing things like this…
My ex-husband’s new wife oversteps boundaries, so much so that it has impacted my ability to co-parent effectively.
I’m sure husband’s ex must feel at times that all I do is overstep boundaries. Sometimes M and his ex just can’t “hear” each other and so I step in to “mediate.” There have been times when the ex has put T n the middle and also encouraged him to not be honest with us. And yes I did step in then. I should have let M handle it but he wasn’t able to without getting upset.
If I thought she really wanted to co-parent I would feel even worse about this! All of my “overstepping” (or at least most) has been in attempt to foster a environment of co-parenting. And it has always backfired. I have tried to talk to her to say I just want whats best for T and I want to help! I don’t think she hears me.
So here is my letter to my husbands’s ex-wife. This is what I would say if I felt like she would hear me…
I am so sorry for all of the times over the years that you have felt judged by me. I’m sorry for the times when I have stepped on your toes and caused you to feel threatened. That has never been, nor will it ever be, my intention.
T is such an awesome kid and I feel truly blessed to be in his life. Like you, I just want what’s best for him and I believe having both biological parents in his life is best. I want to do whatever I can help you and M communicate and work together effectively for T’s sake.
Sharing your son with another woman was never part of your plan. I know I will never replace you and I will never try. Being stepmom is a special role and it is different than your role as mom. I recognize that and hope you do too.
From one mom who loves T to another,
Friends, I hope to learn how to show only loving kindness to my husband’s ex and I hope she can know that I am not a threat to her. I want that for all of you too.