Avoiding Resentment

feelings of resentment
I was recently talking to a reader-friend about how frustrating it can be when our husbands don’t seem to notice when our kids are not doing what they are supposed to! For the longest time, I was always the one directing my stepson with chores, homework, bed times, all that.  My husband was sometimes oblivious to it all. I would be thinking in my head, “you told him to do xyz and he is not so why aren’t you doing ANYTHING!” Or, “It is 9 minutes past his bedtime, why aren’t you telling him to get off the couch and GO TO BED!” Looking back, I realize I was a teensy bit over the top. But at the time it was so, so frustrating for me and was causing so much resentment. Luckily, my husband and I both realized something wasn’t right and worked to fix it.
Two things that helped us: couples counseling and counseling on my own. We learned to hear each other as a couple and I learned to let go and let God. Seriously. It’s not easy but some of it I had to let go or it was going to drive me crazy!! Also having a heart-to-heart with my hubby made a difference.
If you are in a situation where you are thinking you might be starting to resent your husband (ok, maybe you are resenting him!) as me and my friend were, try these suggestions:
  1. Tell him how you feel. Tell your hubby that you are feeling frustrated and resentful and that you don’t want to feel that way. If he’s a praying man, pray with him about it. Talk about what you can change so you don’t feel this way.
  2. Set some ground rules. Talk to your hubby. How much should you get involved and how much is he (your hubby) going to take on? Decide that before you are in the moment.
  3. Figure out if you just might be over-reacting. Ask yourself, “how much is it going to hurt if he doesn’t get to bed on time?” Or “if he doesn’t finish his homework, will he learn a bigger lesson than I could teach him by getting after him?” In other words, pick your battles and sometimes it’s ok to not follow the rules perfectly. (Side note: I loathe the word over-reacting. I’m sorry to even use it here. My tired brain couldn’t come up with anything better. So sorry!)
Hope this helps. Hang in there, mama! You are doing a great job.

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