Childless Stepmom

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I heard this term for the first time recently: childless stepmom. I guess that’s me although I have never thought of myself like that. I have a child. I may not have given birth to him but he’s as much mine as anyone’s. But I get it; this term is referring to stepmoms who don’t have any biological children. I don’t like it though. It’s as if one is less of a mother because she has no biological children.

Even when expressing to M why I desire another child I have a hard time saying things like “I want a child of my own” or even “a child who is part of each of us” because I truly believe my stepson is my own and he is part of both my husband and I albeit not biologically mine and part of another woman (which sound weird).

Stepmamas don’t sell yourselves short. If you have any part in you husbands children’s lives you are not childless and don’t demean yourselves or stepparents for not having biological children. Instead thank God for the child(ren) you do have and if you want biological children that’s great but if you don’t for whatever reason that’s ok too.

I also realize that who ever came  up with the term childless stepmom probably didn’t mean for it to be a derogatory term but it seriously offends me. I take pride in being a mother and the fact the child is not biologically related to me is inconsequential.

I’d like to pray for all of us stepparents if that’s ok?

Jesus, thank you for all that you have done for me and my family. Father God thank you for blessing me with a child and allowing me to be a mother. Holy Spirit please guide me as I stumble through raising a child not just with my husband but another mother as well. Lord, give me grace as I inevitability make mistakes and help me to ask for forgiveness even when I don’t want to. Thank you Jesus. In your name I pray. Amen. 

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Comments

  1. A nice reminder….we are moms, but yet we aren’t moms…..when I gave my step son his graduation party…I went up to his friends and I said….I’m carol…..Nathan’s stepmom. To which he replied…yeah…..this is my dad’s wife. I was devastated. I wonder what have I done or not done which makes the kids feel that way….your not my parent! I’ve given and given. Listened. Wiped tears, comforted. But there is still rejection. I think the kids do that to protect themselves. To protect their hearts. They don’t understand….it’s ok to love your mom as well as your stepmom. Somehow this needs to be conveyed.

    • Carol, I can only imagine how hurtful that must have been. But I think you have it exactly right: “They don’t understand….it’s ok to love your mom as well as your stepmom. Somehow this needs to be conveyed.” Please know that your listening, wiping tears, comfort, and just being there did make a difference in your stepson’s life. I’m sure of that. Big hugs.

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