Family Vacation

disneyland 2005

Disneyland 2005

This was going to be great. Disneyland with my whole family, my not-yet-husband and the boy for five days. So great! I have two nephews both one year younger than T so they were going to have a great time and me and the hubs were going to be the perfect parents on the perfect vacation and we were going to really bond and have such a great time. Except we didn’t.

Well, I don’t want to say we didn’t. There were some good times but there were also some not so good times. Imagine driving six hours with a five year old and factor in that we had only been together for a year and a half. This child was still testing me, I was still trying to figure out my place as a parent and M (my now hubby) was kind of oblivious to it all.

T wanted all of his dad’s attention and didn’t want me to get in the way. I wanted to be able to spend time with my future husband and be a doting parent to the boy while being a cool aunt to the other kids too. There ended up being this sort of tug-o-war between me and T over M! I was an emotional mess. Stressed out and hurt when T and M would go on a ride together leaving me the odd man out.

T was five! What did I expect… that he ride alone?? I really can’t tell you what I was thinking but I can say that the trip did not live up to my expectations. Instead of enjoying this time we had together, instead of just rolling with it, I was angry and hostile and sad. I missed out on a chance with an awesome kid to make some awesome memories. Hurts my heart now. And ironically, these days it’s usually me and T ganging up on M.

Looking back, I realize I spent way too much precious time sweating the small stuff and not enjoying the big stuff. That is my one regret. Worrying too much. Being too insecure. Controlling everything and everyone. I wish I could have just been there for my guys, been present and loved on them.

The good news is it is not too late! Yes, it is too late to make memories at Disneyland with our five year old but it is not too late to make fantastic memories with our almost teenager.

I’m constantly working on this and will keep on making it a priority: being present. Do you need to work on this too? How can we pray for you?

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